Diet

I wish the world would slow down so I can think... I need time to relax, time to imagine, time to catch up with old friends... I have so little time for myself that I don't even know what I want from life anymore... Where do I want to be in a few years? Who do I want to be with for the rest of my life? Why do I want these things?

I am emotionally and physically drained... I have been sick for the last two and a half weeks despite my increase in physical activity and the half gallon of orange juice a day... Since the beginning of grad school I have had sleeping problems, which is something I thought I'd never have... Even when I was addicted to caffeine (yummy dr. pepper) I could fall asleep faster then anyone except my father (which is about 15 seconds)...

What I really need is a good 3 month vacation from everything, where I could do what I want when I want... not have to worry about school, or work, or money... Organize all the many fragments of memories that I don't want to loose, and reminisce while skiing down a Alpine slope... (skiing is my favorite thing in the world to do)... I could just worry about me, get healthy, get to know myself again... Rediscover why it was that I could program all day and night and absolutely love it... Figure out how to enjoy the things I once did... I've been trying to buy happiness and it just doesn't work, time is happiness, and I don't have any time... Routines that never change make it seem like I'll be doing the same thing forever... until finally I pass away and everything I did will no longer matter... Unless of course I have people to share my life with, people I affect... but if they just become part of the routine, then what good will that do? Everything will blur together, and time will fly by so fast that it may as well never have happened...

Oh well, in another blink of the eye I'll be 95 years old, and all this worrying will be forgotten...

Labels: diet, grad school, sick, skiing, vacation

Well, yesterday I went on my first "date" in six years (they aren't "dates" when you are in a long term relationship)... Of course, despite my relationship skills I had when I was younger, I was scared... For one thing she was a Gator as recently as last April, and I have had a particular horrible experience with a Gator in the past... Of course, nobody probably agrees with me on that, but I don't care... Anyways, it went a lot better then I expected and I actually didn't scare her off and it looks like we are going to the movies this Saturday... We seem to have a ton in common... Some of the exciting things are that we're both allergic to shell fish and hate all other fish with a passion, we both have lived in Europe, etc... I don't know if anything is going to come out of this, but it is a definite morale booster getting voluntary attention from a female... Also, last weekend at a Chinese New Year party another female was all over me... he he... anyways, I am finally below 175, which had been my plateau for about a year... I hit 169.5 last night in fact... pretty sweet... During Christmas and Thanksgiving I had started to gain some weight back... I was back up to 189... so I've lost 20 lbs since New Years... I only eat out twice a week, I work out MUCH more often then I ever have, and when I eat at home I eat mainly fruits and veggies... Anyways, my whole point is that I'm finally feeling a lot better about myself, even if it doesn't work out, my perspective on things is definitely improving...

Labels: dating, diet, exercise, vacation

My roommate Dmitri goes running almost every night, and I have started to go with him... I have never been in so much pain in my life... He went on Friday as well as tonight and I ran 1.5 miles, and then walked 1.5 miles, each night... I don't remember the last time I ran more then about 10 steps... the pain is good pain though... hopefully I'll stick to it...

We were suppose to start the bowling league tonight, however, they lost our registration information and booked another team instead, so now we have to hope that some other team quits... I was pretty bummed about that...

I am completely and utterly addicted to the show "24"... It is amazing... My roommate has the first four seasons on DVD and Tatiana and I started watching them... we are almost done with season one (5 more hours)... It is really really really really good...

Labels: bowling, diet, dmitri sokgobenzon, exercise, tatiana treffehn

This weekend I did absolutely nothing other than play video games... it was UBER relaxing... I got off work early on Friday because I work 9-10 hour days most days, and I am not allowed work more then 40 hours a week... At 11:15 on that Friday my Uncle and I drove 15 miles from work into the backwood country Texas to a place called "The Salt Lick" where they have an open pit where they bbq and you can bring your own beer and get ALL the ribs, sausage, etc you want.... yummy... oh, and beans... It was very good... afterwards I drove home and played video games... slept... played video games... ate... played video games... in an endless cycle the whole weekend... on Monday I went to my Aunt and Uncle's friend's house... It was fun, and nice getting paid for having fun (PTO)... I won at the game of Sorry and then talked while people played in the pool... Then it was back to work... I worked 10 hours yesterday and 11 hours today... so I again can have a short Friday... I have had Jamba Juice almost (all but 2 nights in 2 weeks) every single day for dinner... I love it... B) I ride my bike there when I am not in a hurry/exahausted/or have to grocery shop... which has been once or twice a week... so like 3 times... but still, I bought a comfortable seat and a helmet and new breaks so that I don't die and am all excited about it... I have no scale here so I have no clue what I weigh... probably the same... I am eating really unhealthy compared to what I would like... I have fixed that in the last week or so, but "The Salt Lick" is one example where I didn't... This whole timezone thing is confusing... I missed the Apprentice finally because of it... and the Survivor finally... I usually am just getting home from work or jamba juice at 7, exactly when these good tv shows start here... ahhh....

Oh well, I have been really getting into this online poker that my Uncle plays, and I am actually starting to get the feel of the game... I miss my goddaughter... for those of you who don't know Ashlyn (My cousin's daughter) is my god daughter... I also miss Tat, Brian, and Patrice... oh and Akira... he he... Tat needs help buying a new computer and I need to help her but she goes to sleep at 8 my time and I don't get minutes until then... B) so I always forget to call her... oh well, it is 10:45 and I get up at 6:30 so I am going to bed...

Labels: ashlyn pinner, brian and patrice mankowski, diet, dogs, exercise, gaming, kelly folts, tv

Another week done, meaning 5 weeks from now I will be done with my Undergraduate... I am pretty scared... I don't know what I am going to end up doing with my life... The offer from Freescale, the company I interviewed with in Texas, sent me an offer and it should be here early next week... I am excited about it in some ways, but not in others... I hate Florida, so it would get me out of here, but unfortunately Texas is Florida with more Republicans and higher humidity... bummer... I am also scared because then I would have nobody... well, I have family there, but I would have no friends... Not the posse, or my friends from my other home (the Computer Science Majors lab)... I am going to ask Barry (Ken's IT guy) if he will match the offer for me to work there the whole summer so that I can spend my last real summer with friends. Moving away is just to much of an abrupt ending... I guess I shouldn't hang onto impossible hopes that one day I will be as happy as I once was... Luckily I have been too busy to be bothered by my feelings... too stressed about getting into gaming school and trying to figure out what exactly I am going to do with my life... Getting accepted to UCF helped my self esteem a little... not that FSU is bad or anything, but rumors have it that the IT department is going to take over it because not enough people want to get into it... The teacher are afraid of changing from what they are use to and won't teach us what we want to know, practical stuff... They tempt me to stay here with the whole 85-90% paid, plus $14,000/year, but I am not going to be bribed to stay somewhere when I really want to do something else (This is how I feel about that job in Texas too, if I have another opportunity, then I will probably pass it up, no matter how excited my family there is)

Anyways, on a different (nerdier) note, I am learning a lot about C and Java that I didn't know which is really exciting, I wish I could have learned it in school, but the teachers don't want to teach it, so I have to learn it myself... but considering I learned 90% of both those languages on my own, what is more going to hurt. Next weekend is the programming contest and my competition (Micah) some guy from the majors lab (Jacob) and I are all on a team... Micah can code in C damn well, and now that I am using it and getting use to it I might actually be more of a help then I thought I would be... Jacob said he is good at figuring things out, he just isn't the best programmer, so he can give us pseudo code and we can make it code... I hope we win so I can get Microsoft Software and also put it on my resume... as long as we get in the top 3 I would... hell, I might go to regionals this year (invited the last two years but turned them down because I wanted to be with Francisca) even though I know we wouldn't win, but at least I can program, which is the only thing I truly live for...

Tonight Micah had a birthday party that I went to, everyone there was a foreign exchange student from every freaking country in the world... it was pretty cool, it brought me back to Munich International School days... Anton was the only other CS person that showed up... Micah was lucky because I was paid 30 bucks by Mike (the other lab monitor) for covering for him for 3 hours... so I gave him $22.50 or something... I had spent some of it already... I hate carrying cash so I thought why the hell not... anyways, I want to throw a graduation party but I am not sure how many people from the department would actually show up to it, most people there I would consider "in school" friends, very few I would tell anything personal to... Only people I would think would hang out with me would be Kelley, Kerstin, Micah, Meat, Anton, and um maybe one or two other people that are always in the lab... If Erica, Christy (but she would never hang out because she is to much in love with her husband), or Tom, were still there they would be on the list too... and of course, I could be wrong about the above too, so yeah... who knows...

I am enjoying the Intelligent Systems face reorganization program that Micah, Kerstin and I are making... that is a lot of fun, it isn't due for another month and we already have all this cool shit that we don't need... yeah... We are going to kick team Bling's butt... mu ha ha ha ha... them and their "awesomeness factor" are going to be blown away... yeah, ok...

OH well, it is almost 2 so I should go to sleep, I left Micah's after 3 hours because I was so tired... but then I got carried away here... oh well, probably won't have anything to update for another month or two in my boring life... well, I guess next week I will get that letter thingy... but yeah... oh well...

Labels: acm, austin texas, diet, francisca amunategui, grad school, kelley jones, mike smith, programming, the posse

Oh man, I am drinking my first Dr. Pepper in 2 months... first soda that is... it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good... I was falling asleep at work and needed something to keep me awake... yummmy yummmy yummmmmmmmmmmmmmy.... to bad I can't have another one for another 2 months...

Labels: diet, dr pepper